I have to be honest. At first I really struggled with a blog posting today. I have so many things I could talk about, but wording it correctly for visitors was my challenge. Lately, as someone that is in a D/s relationship in real life, and writing about it, I have come across a few questions from readers. I also saw some disturbing things written about getting involved in a BDSM lifestyle. I think I want to touch on that a bit in this guest blog.
For anyone familiar with the Dominance Series, they know, from talking to me, that it is loosely based on real life. These are scenes that my husband and I have played, with some fantasy teased throughout to give it more glamour. Nothing is as perfect as fiction, and sometimes real life is even better than fiction. I know that many women ask me “How did you get involved?” “Where should you start?” “What should I do to test the waters?”
The biggest advice I give people is that they need to be safe. Real life isn’t an erotic romance novel. They jump into play at a faster pace, which sometimes makes me suck in my breath and go “Oh dear god!” I am a safety first kind of woman. I, just like most people, discovered my kink while reading a book. My gateway drug was Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Series, which is not a fan favorite with most women that read BDSM erotic romance. I believe because it is very in your face, it doesn’t hold any punches, and it spreads the wide spectrum of the lifestyle. It hits you with a firm punch and keeps on getting more intense with its scenes. I knew then I needed something different in my life. My first step was research. I wasn’t a heavy web surfer at the time, so I bought books. Once I read every book I could suck up, I went to the internet to hunt down a club.
I didn’t play my first couple of trips to the cub. I didn’t know if I had any hard limits at that point. I wasn’t willing to ruin the only chance I had at real satisfaction. When I did play the first time in a club, it was with a Dom that sat and talked to me. He took me on a tour of a club and showed me multiple scenes asked me what was doing it for me. Discussed. He was a fantastic Dominant for me. However, he was not monogamous. I am a one man kind of girl that happens to like watching and being watched. But I will only allow ONE person as my Dom.
I can’t stress enough that if you want to ‘test waters’ you be safe. I have heard stories lately that have made me cringe. All I can think about is how these people could have ended up in a hospital. They had no clue of limits. They were doing play that crossed a masochist line. And where I am a masochist, it made me hold my breath as I was reading things couples had tried in their home when they were curious. Anyone that tells you that it will happen overnight, even if you have a willing partner is selling you a big load. I hate to be judgment or rain on people’s parade. But real play, takes real time. It takes a level of trust that is Soul deep, you have to be willing to hand all control, all care of your body and emotions to another person, and trust that they will use you and care for you above all things. It isn’t something that you can willy nilly go into. It isn’t a game.
If you feel you have more kinky impulses, my direct advice is to research outside of erotic romance novels. There is a wide variety of books that will help you discover things about yourself you never even would have dreamed you were into. I never would have called myself a masochist two years ago. Now, I need pain. I need pain on a bone deep level that makes all things fall away and I hit bliss and just float.
And remember. You can’t force anyone into becoming something they naturally aren’t. Just like you can’t force a gay man to not be gay, they were born this way, you are who you are. I didn’t make my husband a Dom, his natural top tendencies were there from the moment he pinned me down and took. I simply suggested something more, and he took hold of something he naturally was. If someone isn’t kinky, they just aren’t. Communication is a huge part of opening new doors sexually. Is it embarrassing? Yes! But you will never find what you really need if you don’t talk. Be honest.
I hope that helps some people that have questions. I want people to be safe. No beatings with belts and forcing people to be something they aren’t right out of the gate.
Safe, sane, consensual.
Now that I have rambled on for about eight hundred words, I am going to lead into my book. Whips and Wax. I am going to share an excerpt, one of my favorites.
She laughed and cried at the same time. Her body thrust over the edge of any sort of sanity. Her hips bucked against him, the firm hit of his cock against her blood filled clit made it all slap down against her and she came. For him, for her Sir, for her lover, and husband, the only man that could make her peak like she had fireworks going off inside her body. Her juices shot from her, the pain it induced, the pleasure, all of it made her thrash her head back and forth. And still he taunted, thrusting, making her laugh. One thing they had learned about her, when she came hard—she laughed.Neil had no intention of cumming yet. This was Marie’s time. He sat up, lifting his cock from her clit. She needed a few minutes to come down from the high. Neil swung himself off the bed and moved to look at her face. Stroking her hair while cupping her breast gently, he asked her.
“Are you okay kitten?” Her eyes responded before her voice.
“Yes Sir.” She was sweating. A light sheen covered her forehead. And she had just lied to Sir.
“My shoulders are sore, Sir.” A light blush painted her cheeks at her correction. It might earn her a new punishment.
Neil leant down and softly kissed her lips.
“Thank you for being honest, kitten.”
He leant over and untied the belts, allowing her to sit up and stretch a little. He watched as she rubbed her wrists. Neil massaged her sore shoulder, pressing his fingertips into the tender flesh. Just as he finished he heard the front door bell.
“I’ll be right back.”
He grabbed his jeans from the chair and pulled them on, then left the room. Stepping down two stairs at a time he reached the door in seconds. He grabbed the keys on the telephone table and unlocked the door. A man in his forties stood with a parcel in his hand.
“Mr. Jones, a delivery for you, can you sign here please?”
“Yes, are you nearly finished for the day?” Neil took the electronic pad and scribbled his signature.
“I wish, I finish at six.”
“Crikey. At least you have good weather and it’s the weekend tomorrow.”
The courier laughed. “Yes, there is that. There you go, enjoy your afternoon.”
“Oh I will. Thank you.” Neil took his parcel and locked the door behind him. He knew what it was. Should he hide it and save it for later? He paused at the bottom of the stairs and thought about it. Marie had blatantly opened her corset and thong. Did she deserve this treat right now, her treat? Not really, it was Neil’s. He walked up the stairs and along the landing to the bedroom once more.
Marie had come around, she was ready for more. Her eyes lit up when she saw the box he carried. Neil put his finger to his lips.
“I’m glad this came while I was home. I’ll open it with you once I’ve finished with you, you naughty kitten. “
Just to tease her he placed the new package six inches from her head on the pillow. So close she would be able to smell the cardboard packaging. He watched the tension mount, her pupils dilated, her little pink tongue darted out and brushed over her lips in anticipation.
Whips and Wax Trailer
Giveaway: Bonnie Bliss is giving away an ebook copy Whips and Wax & Chains and Chocolate. Contest will close midnight January 30 2012. Leave a comment with your email contact for a chance :)