Lindsay Downs

Dakota on being the Hero

Can any of you two-legged heroes tell me why you think you’re so special or that you’re better than I am?

To be honest I don’t think any of you can. To be fair let’s look and compare some of the attributes we both have.

You guys are tall which means for you to really see the heroine you have to look down because she’ll be shorter. The closer you are the more strain, or is it pain, in the neck she gets. Me, I know exactly how far away from Emily I need to be so we can see each other easily and not cause any body part strains. If we really want or need to see each other eye to eye all I have to do is hop up on my hind feet and set my paws on her shoulders. Don’t forget she’s only five feet one inch.

And guys, what’s with that hair. Either light or dark and there’s that little wisp that falls down onto your forehead. If your woman might think it’s so cute then why is she always brushing it out of the way. I don’t even want to know how much money you spend at the salon. Me, a good brush out weekly and maybe once a month a trip to the groomer for a trim and I’m all set. Half or less of what you spend.

Then there’s your grumbling when your hair messed up, be it in a fight or when you’re driving with the top down. For me a good shake and everything’s back in place.

While we’re on grooming, what’s this with the manicure thing. Real men don’t have their nails done by some overly endowed manicurist. Snip, snip with the nail clippers and I’m ready to rock and roll.

And those cloths you guys wear. Five hundred dollar suit and silk shirts with perfectly knotted ties. I mean, get real you’re really going to chase some bad guy through the muck and mud in your designer, hand stitched Italian loafers. My ears are hurting just from hearing you wimps crying over the dry cleaning bills.

Give me a really nice cloth collar any day. My preference is the new camouflage pattern the Army has. Of course, I do insist on a matching leash for the rare times Emily has to make sure I’m safe, which isn’t very often.

Oh, I could go on about things like the eyebrows. Bet you can’t wiggle them like I can. Or you having to cup your hand around those pitiful excuses you guys call ears. Me, perk mine up and if necessary a slight tilt of the head and I can hear a pin drop three rooms away. And when they say the ‘nose knows’ they’re talking about me. I can sniff out a friend or bad guy long before they show their face. That honker you got, all it does is snivel.

So fellas, who really is the better hero. You, Mr. High Maintenance or me, woman’s best friend, Mr. Low Maintenance. A scratch behind the ear, a good tummy rub and I’m with her for life. Don’t forget us collies will be around long after you dump the her for the hotty to come down the pike.

COLLIES ROCK